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Nepročitano 05-12-13, 11:06   #851
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Citat:
Originally Posted by Poli Pogledaj Post
Isuse ja nesmem ni da kazem koliko godina sam u braku, pa opet nista neznam o tome. Taman naucis jedno a pojavi se nesto drugo......nikad ne naucis
Ljudi se ipak mijenjaju, pa što je vrijedilo jučer, danas više ne. Zato nije ni čudo što budemo ponekad iznenađeni
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Nepročitano 06-12-13, 15:23   #852
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Citat:
Originally Posted by Stablo Pogledaj Post
Ljudi se ipak mijenjaju, pa što je vrijedilo jučer, danas više ne. Zato nije ni čudo što budemo ponekad iznenađeni
Uzivam u tim promenama, jer nam one donose i nove ljude u zivot i svi su dragoceni,jer donose nove stvari sa sobom. Neki ostaju duze ,neki krace i svi su oni tu sa razlogom.Ucimo dalje......
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Nepročitano 06-12-13, 15:58   #853
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Citat:
Originally Posted by Stablo Pogledaj Post
Evo banalnog primjera primjera koji mi je prvi pao na pamet.
Recimo ne želimo da ma netko u kući posprema stvari po ladicama jer to želimo napraviti sami da znamo gdje je što. Međutim ima osoba koje upravo to žele, da netko iza njih pospremi
Dobar primjer.

Moje iskustvo je da kad sam npr. bolestan nemam potrebu da netko iskazuje brigu prema meni. Čak ju ni ne doživljavam jer mi je normalno da prođem kroz to sam.
I baš zbog toga ponekad znam naići na kritiku sa druge strane kada ne pokazujem brigu.

Ima i zloporaba tog principa. Znaš ono kad se netko trudi oko tebe (onda kad to ni ne tražiš) a poslije ti predbacuje što istom mjerom ne uzvraćaš!?

Ima puno takvih primjera koji dovode u pitanje "ne čini drugom što ne bi da drugi čine tebi". Zato te generalne mudrosti treba uzet sa zadrškom.
Čak ni "ne ubij" se ne može uzet pod apsolutno.


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Nepročitano 06-12-13, 16:06   #854
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Citat:
Originally Posted by chameleon Pogledaj Post
Dobar primjer.

Moje iskustvo je da kad sam npr. bolestan nemam potrebu da netko iskazuje brigu prema meni. Čak ju ni ne doživljavam jer mi je normalno da prođem kroz to sam.
I baš zbog toga ponekad znam naići na kritiku sa druge strane kada ne pokazujem brigu.

Ima i zloporaba tog principa. Znaš ono kad se netko trudi oko tebe (onda kad to ni ne tražiš) a poslije ti predbacuje što istom mjerom ne uzvraćaš!?

Ima puno takvih primjera koji dovode u pitanje "ne čini drugom što ne bi da drugi čine tebi". Zato te generalne mudrosti treba uzet sa zadrškom.
Čak ni "ne ubij" se ne može uzet pod apsolutno.
Da, tako i ja, ovo prvo je općenito obilježje muškaraca. Kada je medvjed ranjen ode u pećinu i liže rane, sve drugo mu je samo gubitak energije . Ali skuhani čaj dobro dođe u svakom slučaju
A s druge strane kao što veliš, žene količinu ljubavi često mjere kroz brigu i pažnju . Čini mi se da je jedino rješenje da se obje strane približetako da pokušaju gledati stvari sa tuđe perspektive.

Zato je dobro malo proučiti one američke knjige o razlikama između žena i muškaraca. Iako su dosta generalizirane, ima i korisnih stvari, recimo ona knjiga Muškarci su sa Marsa, žene s Venere
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Nepročitano 06-12-13, 16:17   #855
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Citat:
Originally Posted by Stablo Pogledaj Post
Da, tako i ja, ovo prvo je općenito obilježje muškaraca. Kada je medvjed ranjen ode u pećinu i liže rane, sve drugo mu je samo gubitak energije . Ali skuhani čaj dobro dođe u svakom slučaju
A s druge strane kao što veliš, žene količinu ljubavi često mjere kroz brigu i pažnju . Čini mi se da je jedino rješenje da se obje strane približetako da pokušaju gledati stvari sa tuđe perspektive.

Zato je dobro malo proučiti one američke knjige o razlikama između žena i muškaraca. Iako su dosta generalizirane, ima i korisnih stvari, recimo ona knjiga Muškarci su sa Marsa, žene s Venere
TACNO!!!!pa i fizicki se razlikujemo!
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Nepročitano 06-12-13, 16:57   #856
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Citat:
Originally Posted by Stablo Pogledaj Post
Da, tako i ja, ovo prvo je općenito obilježje muškaraca. Kada je medvjed ranjen ode u pećinu i liže rane, sve drugo mu je samo gubitak energije . Ali skuhani čaj dobro dođe u svakom slučaju
A s druge strane kao što veliš, žene količinu ljubavi često mjere kroz brigu i pažnju . Čini mi se da je jedino rješenje da se obje strane približetako da pokušaju gledati stvari sa tuđe perspektive.

Zato je dobro malo proučiti one američke knjige o razlikama između žena i muškaraca. Iako su dosta generalizirane, ima i korisnih stvari, recimo ona knjiga Muškarci su sa Marsa, žene s Venere
Slažem se da razlika između spolova ima.
Ali spomenuo sam zloporabu jer se nekad radi baš o tome.
Kako se odnosi u pravilu odvijaju dvosmjerno, davanje<->primanje, nekad taj prirodni transfer prebacimo na intelektualnu razinu pa počinjemo uspoređivat i vagat. Zatim osjećamo nepravdu pa to pokušavamo ispravljat i to zovem ucjenom ili bolje rečeno sebičnošću.

Čovjek koji se iskreno, prostodušno brine o drugoj osobi on si zapravo ne može pomoć. To je spontani poriv kao i hodanje. To je dio tebe koji postoji čak iako ti se ne sviđa. Mislim da se u takvoj situaciji rijetko dešava da se odmjeruju "količine brige" jedne i druge strane. Ne traži se ista mjera od druge strane.
Kada se dođe u situaciju mjerenja i mogućnosti uskraćivanja sa svoje strane da bi se uspostavila pravda onda se treba postaviti pitanje omjera iskrenosti i kalkulacija tj. izvlačenja koristi per se.

Kako možeš po volji odstranit svoju brigu u ime izjednačavanja snaga?
Ako imam razloga za zabrinutost o osobi do koje mi je stalo, ne pada mi na pamet poslije takvo nešto spominjat u cilju da kompenziram.
Mogu osjećat nakon rastanka nepravdu jer sam iskreno volio a dobio nogu u dupe zauzvrat. Mogu se žalit što je univerzum nepošten. Ali u odnosu ako je to dio mene onda se jedino mogu buniti protiv sebe što sam takav.
Takav odnos se može vidjet između roditelja i djeteta.

Zato smatram da onda kada se traži neka vrsta naknade za vlastitu brigu, radi se o ucjeni, kalkulaciji pa je vrijeme da se preispita odnos.
Naravno, tu ne podrazumijevam krajnje primjere omalovažavanja i potcjenjivanja mada u takvim slučajevima sumnjam da se uopće radi o nečem vrijednom održavanja.


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Nepročitano 06-12-13, 19:21   #857
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Zadani

Svojoj deci uvek govorim da se ne osvrcu iza sebe, vec da gledaju napred jer je to prirodno. neprirodno je da moja deca zbog moje brige oko njih sada moraju to da vracaju umesto da brinu o svojoj deci .....moramo postovati zakone prirode. Nekada su postojale porodicne zajednice pa je to sve teklo svojim prirodnim tokom......danas je drugacije i to moramo svi shvatiti....
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Nepročitano 06-12-13, 19:42   #858
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Zadani

Citat:
Originally Posted by Poli Pogledaj Post
Svojoj deci uvek govorim da se ne osvrcu iza sebe, vec da gledaju napred jer je to prirodno. neprirodno je da moja deca zbog moje brige oko njih sada moraju to da vracaju umesto da brinu o svojoj deci .....moramo postovati zakone prirode. Nekada su postojale porodicne zajednice pa je to sve teklo svojim prirodnim tokom......danas je drugacije i to moramo svi shvatiti....

Tvoja djeca će vjerovatno uvijek imat obavezu prema tebi. Zato što si im majka i sve što je tvoj emocionalni odnos njima značio godinama.
To je sasvim prirodno.
Ali to nesmije biti predmet uvjetovanja u smislu da time što si rodila, odhranila i odgojila imaš bolje razumijevanje i veće pravo određivat sudbinu osobe koju si rodila.
Tu mislim općenito na mene, tebe i sve ostale ljude.

Ovo nam možda izgleda kao nešto sasvim normalno i prihvatljivo ali istovremeno sam vidio srpskog psihologa koji se pojavljuje u javnim medijima koji kao zastupnik struke zastupa fizičko kažnjavanje djece. A na pitanje razloga odgovara da je to zbog zasluge.
Kaže da svaki put kad je on dobio batine, zaslužio je.
Ja čak i dijelim njegovo mišljenje zato što ja kao nestručna osoba mogu doći u situaciju gdje s obzirom na moje neiskustvo odlučujem primjenit silu.
Psihologija je ta koja bi trebala služit riješavanju konflikata bez fizičkog nasilja a javni medij pušta takvog "stručnjaka" koji podržava fizičko kažnjavanje djece.
Kada taj "stručnjak" javnom televizijom potvrđuje umjesto obrazuje, znamo kakvo je stvarno stanje mentaliteta društva u kojem živimo.
Ovdje u Hrvatskoj se to surovo osvještavanje dogodilo sa referendumom o braku.


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Nepročitano 06-12-13, 19:44   #859
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Zadani

Citat:
Originally Posted by chameleon Pogledaj Post
...

Moje iskustvo je da kad sam npr. bolestan nemam potrebu da netko iskazuje brigu prema meni. Čak ju ni ne doživljavam jer mi je normalno da prođem kroz to sam.

...
Bolest je za neke i slabost pa se povlače da ne budu ranjivi i eksponirani.....
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Nepročitano 06-12-13, 20:00   #860
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Citat:
Originally Posted by simona Pogledaj Post
Bolest je za neke i slabost pa se povlače da ne budu ranjivi i eksponirani.....
Vrijedna nadogradnja temi. Mada ne znam zašto si baš moj post citirala ako nemaš neku poruku baš meni.

Ako misliš da je to situacija kod mene, nije.
Sloboda povlačenja je umjeće koje slijedi nakon duge borbe sa egom.
Trn u oku željnima krvi.


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